


A Friendly, Lemony Chat

by 3wisellamas



Category: Adventure Time
Genre: Gen, I just want these two to be friends even if I have to do it myself, ironically the most chill lemongrab fic you'll ever see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 07:17:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16300547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3wisellamas/pseuds/3wisellamas
Summary: Finn is sent on a simple errand to the Earldom of Lemongrab, and stays for tea and some unexpected but much-needed advice.  An older fic I’m finally posting here, takes place shortly after the events of I Am a Sword.





	A Friendly, Lemony Chat

**Author's Note:**

> An old fic inspired by some observations that Finn and Lemongrab actually have a lot in common, more than they may realize, and the events of I Am a Sword only made this more true for me. Somebody get these two together on the show to help each other through their parental issues and self-destruction things, because otherwise I’ll do it myself.

Jake snapped his fingers as the castle came into view among the candy trees, a recent addition to what had been a large desert only a year ago.  The grass still betrayed its history on occasion, and Finn came out of his trance just in time to avoid tripping on a small patch of sand.    
  
"Still don't know why you said yes.  This guy's a total butt, remember?"   
  
Finn shook his head, an ultimately futile attempt to clear the fog still filling it.  "Jake...you didn't even talk to him that much last time we saw him."   
  
Jake crossed his arms.  "Good. He doesn't talk, Finn, remember?  He screams."   
  
"Well...He's actually not too bad once you get to know him."  Their previous encounter with the Earl on the Mountain of Matthew was still quite fresh in his mind.  "I mean, he's still...him, but you know..."   
  
The two arrived at the gates of Castle Lemongrab, situated in the middle of the Earldom of Lemongrab, and home to the Earl of Lemongrab.  Needless to say, it wasn't a hard place to find -- on any map, it was clearly labeled, in between the "Forest of Death" and the "Cave of Eldritch Horror", as "Just Don't Even."  All one had to do was follow the faint screaming in the distance.    
  
As the two approached, two tiny lemon guards, who had at first seemed fast asleep at their posts, suddenly perked up, tossing the crests they always seemed to carry aside.  Two tiny shrieks summoned a third lemon, ready to accept the visitors.   
  
Finn held up his hands, a passport in one opened to his own identification.  "Hey guys, it's cool. We gots 'ports."   
  
He looked at Jake, who took a step back.   
  
"You forgot your 'port, didn't you Jake?"  The dog groaned.   
  
"Yes."   
  
Finn sighed, shaking his head.  "Look, I'll go see if LG'll let you in.  I think he'd do it for me." He glanced at the welcoming party.  "Take care of him, uh, guys."   
  
The two guards gave a squeak of acknowledgement.  Finn wasn't sure exactly what that meant, but assumed it was good.  The third lemon gentry led him into the castle foyer, recently remodeled yet again to feature hundreds of black and white triangles painted across the walls and floor, clashing somewhat with the dull yellow stone.   
  
"You will wait," the lemon said as he (Was it a he?  Finn could never be sure.) ducked into the nearby hallway.   
  
"Ookay." 

  
\---   
  
Four statues in one day.  The one lemon laborer (lemborer) who had for some reason broken out into the arts was indeed quite prodigious today.   
  
Lemongrab continued to observe his lemborers in silence, the occasional detail momentarily catching his attention from the usual disjointed thoughts in his head.  The two voices of his predecessors were quite active now; one demanded he shout at the child, for his artistic pursuits had wasted ( _ WASTED _ ) several buckets of soil and thousands of lemonjons.  The other willed him to inspect the work more closely, and praise the child for his unsolicited efforts in beautifying the Earldom with its sovereign's image.  And to have all of the statues moved into the dining hall, rather than outside in the elements.   
  
As usual when the voices were in conflict, Lemongrab just stood there at the window.  Silent. Watching.   
  
The tapping of tiny feet and a loud hum behind him announced a matter worthy of his royal attention.   
  
" _ What _ is this?"  Lemongrab didn't look away from the window.   
  
"Mmm The Little Boy and The Dog have arrived.  They did not call first."   
  
This was serious.  Finn? Here?  _ Now?  Finn? _   
  
Lemongrab turned from the window, and immediately a small cadre of lemon transporters (lemporters) poured out of a nearby hallway.  He raised his arms, and one of the lemporters lifted him onto their arms, passing him down the line to the foyer.

  
\---   
  
Finn waited a few seconds, then a few minutes, then began pacing along the walls, running his finger along the already-cracking paint.     
  
After what seemed like far too long for the typically punctual Earl he heard a distant...well, it wasn't another shriek actually, which wouldn't be out of the ordinary.  More like a...very loud whispering? It grew closer, at a rapid pace -- Lemongrab leapt (or was he thrown?) around the corner into the foyer to finally greet him.   
  
"Ah, Finn is here!"  Lemongrab seemed to force an awkward smile onto his face, something he clearly didn't do often.  He was out of practice, and the result was more of an unintentional sneer, with one of the corners of his mouth raised a little too far and his eyes a little too wide.  Finn forgave him, though -- it definitely wasn't every day a brave or foolish soul called upon the lemon royal.   
  
He struggled to hold that smile, the effort alone seeming to be a monumental welcome to his unexpected guest.  "You...did not call first!"   
  
"Uh, yeah.  Sorry. Whoops."     
  
Finn braced himself for that "friendly" demeanor to drop in favor of retribution for that tiny infraction, but Lemongrab kept it up, painfully fake smile and all.     
  
Weird.  Usually there weren't exceptions to his seemingly unlimited rules.   
  
Lemongrab discreetly kicked something around the corner he had emerged from.  He "whispered" to whatever it was, "There is no dog."   
  
"Jake forgot his 'port.  He's outside," Finn clarified.  "Hey, uh, could you just, you know, maybe let him in for now?  You know who he is."   
  
Now the smile dropped, and Lemongrab's demeanor was immediately much more familiar.     
  
"The Dog has forgotten his 'port!  There are NO exceptions." His eyes widened.  "He will not enter."   
  
"Okay.  That's cool."  No use fighting that, an argument with Lemongrab never ended well.  Jake actually didn't  _ need _ to be there for this mission, Finn could just do it on his own and save his brother the headache.   
  
"So, uh...Yeah."  Finn nervously shifted onto one foot, then the other.  He hadn't actually prepared what he was actually going to say to the Earl.   
  
A small butler lemon (butlemon, a  _ perfectly acceptable _ name for such a profession) approached and gave a deep bow to the Earl.  Understanding the message fully, Lemongrab turned again to the corner, silently summoning the line of lemporters once again.     
  
"Follow.  We will share tea and sweets in the parlor."     
  
Finn watched as the tiny lemons...carried? their Earl deeper into the castle.  They remained, watching the human expectantly.   
  
Here goes nothing.  Finn raised his arms to mimic Lemongrab, and tried not to flinch as he too was lifted up and carried away.   
  


\---   
  
A large room had been prepared to receive visitors, an efficient use for some of the huge castle's empty space.  A parlor, stacked high with an organized collection of couches and end tables -- parlor furniture.   
  
Two couches were set aside for the actual visiting portion of receiving visitors, since the furniture stacks could be unwieldy, and the lemporters set their charge gently into the larger of the two.  Finn followed shortly after, placed facing Lemongrab in the smaller couch. A butlemon quickly attended presenting a tray of delicate lemon pastries and two cups of warm lemon tea, serving the Earl first and then Finn.   
  
As usual, the tea was only hot enough to give off a small amount of steam, the correct amount for tea, and cooled to an acceptable lukewarm drinking temperature almost as soon as Lemongrab received his saucer and cup.  He extended his pinky finger a full 90 degrees and took a small, practiced sip -- following all royal etiquette of course -- and expectedly watched his guest to determine his reaction to such a display of grace.    
  
Finn grabbed his cup by the sides -- SIDES!! -- and  _ did he just SLURP his tea?! _  And wipe his mouth with his ARM?   
  
"GLOB NO!!"   
  
Finn slammed his cup back onto the saucer and placed it onto the couch cushion beside him.  "Sorry."   
  
Lemongrab groaned.  Someone needed to teach this boy several manners.  But now was not a time to enlighten the human to the ways of a proper, sophisticated society, now was a time to...talk.   
  
To talk about enlightening the human to the ways of a proper, sophisticated society.  "Tea is not  _ slurped _ with noise, nor is excess dribbled onto the rind!"  He delicately fetched a lace-trimmed towelette from the butlemon's tray and shoved it into Finn's hands.  "Here. Clean yourself!"   
  
"Oh.  Uh, thanks LG."  Finn unfolded the cloth and smeared it across his face.  Lemongrab cried out in shock at such an uncouth use of the cloth, and Finn immediately re-folded it and dropped it next to his tea saucer.  "Okay! I'm just gonna leave it there."   
  
Good enough.  No tea is preferable to barbarian tea.  Lemongrab resolved himself to the eventual instruction of good behavior and manners for the boy, to be concluded at a later date.   
  
"So, uh Princess Bubblegum actually sent me here to give you a message..."   
  
The name alerted Lemongrab.  Any message from Mother Princess was incredibly rare and important, and if she sent Finn to deliver it...   
  
"She said you gotta stop sending all those complaint letters.  She ran outta room for 'em."   
  
The...letters?   
  
"The Princess has received my letters?"  This was better news than he'd hoped! A continual lack of response had made him unsure if his dear Mother Princess had actually received his letters, and indeed this had been the subject of a few of them.  But, she had received them! Confirmation at last!   
  
"Yeah, she did.  And there's, like, a lot of them I guess.  So she needs you to stop."   
  
Lemongrab's eyes widened, and he pursed his already tight lips as he considered this request.  To be sure, if this was the Princess' command, as her direct heir it was his duty to obey! But, how would she know his thoughts and important progress on the state of his Earldom without that regular twice-daily correspondence?  He would need to include these concerns in tonight's letter.   
  
"This...is all that the Princess has said?"   
  
"Yeah, that's it."  Finn paused. "She just wanted to get me out of the castle and doing something I think."   
  
"She...wanted you out of the castle?"  This was an unusual thing for Finn to say.  Normally the human was at Mother Princess' side, hers to command as her champion and knight.  Lemongrab longed for the day he would finally succeed his creator to the throne, if only for his own chance to have such a grand servant for himself.   
  
"I guess I've just been a little down lately, you know?"  Lemongrab didn't know. He seemed about the same height. "I...didn't wanna be alone?  I mean, there's Jake, and BMO, and Shelby, and NEPTR, and Science Cat, and Spear Bear, and-"   
  
"You are the correct height."  If none of the people Finn was listing was going to assure him of this fact, and it was needed, then Lemongrab may as well do so.     
  
"Um, thanks?"  He seemed confused at the sudden show of compassion from Lemongrab, and took a lemon pastry from the tray.  "I guess I got kinda naggy though with asking her for somethin' to do. It's good to get distracted sometimes," he continued between bites, seemingly ignoring the compliment.   
  
Lemongrab agreed.  The voices in his head were quite overwhelming at times, and there was nothing better to calm them than continuing to perform his duties as Earl.  Sometimes even that was not enough, and more drastic measures were required.   
  
But Finn did not have the voices of his predecessors constantly wrestling for control of his mind, did he?  Lemongrab was not fully knowledgeable about the human's past -- he had only even heard of Finn only a few years ago.  Where had he been all of the centuries before?    
  
"Whoa.  Dude, these are actually good!"  Finn finished his second pastry and reflexively reached for his third.     
  
Of course they were good.  Guests of the Earl received only the finest treatment!  Lemongrab reveled in Finn's approval -- finally, he had proven to be an acceptable host!  The ecstasy of such a thought caused a tiny smile to appear on the lemon's face, a genuine smile.  He may even -- Lemongrab laughed!   
  
Finn respectfully stopped eating, allowing the Earl to display his delight in monotone grunts and the occasional squeal.  He had not practiced this part of the conversation procedure, however the boy's reaction to his effort was comforting. After a long pause Finn also realized it was a time for laughter, and joined in his own strange way, making lighter, higher sounds.   
  
Of course, the laughter concluded with Lemongrab's realization that the visit was coming to its end.  Finn had delivered Mother Princess' message, and needed to return for his next task.    
  
Or perhaps not.  "Hey, can I tell you something?"   
  
"Yes."  He certainly could.  Finn had told him so many things already, like Mother Princess' erroneous request for no letters and that his pastries were actually good.     
  
The boy's head drooped.  "I dunno if I really even should, but, I just think you might...understand where I'm comin' from with this?"  He glanced at one of the tables above him. "Or maybe I shouldn't, you seem...busy?"   
  
"I am not busy."  The statement was indeed incorrect.  The duties of a ruler were time-consuming, but as of late they mostly involved standing at a window, and broadcasting times for meals and rest.  Many of his gentry had chosen to take on the other tasks while he had been bedridden, and they had yet to be returned to him.   
  
"Oh."  Finn still seemed to speak reluctantly, even with Lemongrab assuaging his concerns about his own affairs.  "Well...You remember that sword I had with me when we were in the Mountain of Matthew?"   
  
"Yes of course."  Lemongrab had even wielded the blade himself at one point, and remembered it was surprisingly familiar in his hands, even functioning similarly to his own Sound Sword.  And it had been warm, very warm.   
  
"The sword was me."  Lemongrab's eyes widened at this strange statement, his usual expression allotted to surprise and confusion.  "Or it was a part of me. I never really wrapped my head around that."   
  
He shifted his gaze even further from the Earl, now focused on a floor tile far to the right.  "Anyway, it got destroyed a few days ago. And ever since I just...It feels like I'm only half a Finn now, maybe."   
  
That phrase, only half...   
  
"You know how you're, like, two guys smashed together now after that...thing?  It kinda felt like that, but the opposite. Like I was two people, and one got iced."   
  
Finn wrapped his hands around his head, hiding his eyes from Lemongrab's view.  Both voices in Lemongrab's head agreed, to be alone without the other now was unthinkable.  And to be torn away using ice...   
  
There was a correction to be made, however.  "I am not two guys smashed together. I am Lemongrab."   
  
"Yeah..."  Finn looked up again, "You are, haha..."   
  
"When Mother Princess took the pieces of the predecessor Lemongrabs, and created me of their minds and their parts, not all was used."  He unconsciously fingered one of the scars he still had along his arms, the most accessible of the many, many scars that still remained from being stitched together.  "When one part came from one Lemongrab, the same of the other was discarded. Biomass was lost. Memories were lost." He traced one of the more prominent scars along his face, faded yet still present.  "The Lemongrab predecessors were lost. What remains is me, Lemongrab."   
  
Finn stared, obviously another impolite behavior Lemongrab will need to address in the future.   
  
"I...didn't know...I'm sorry, man..."   
  
"But, even with this loss, I am still Lemongrab.  And you..." Lemongrab gently poked Finn's shoulder, granting him the most sympathy and comfort in this time of need that he could.   
  
"Of the two, one whole remains.  You are whole. You are Finn."    
  
Finn looked back up at the Earl and smiled.  "Thanks. That...really helps."   
  
Lemongrab tried to return the gesture again, smiling wide just as he'd practiced.  "You may return if this bothers you again. The dog may even join us...as long as he brings his 'port."   
  
"Jake!  Oh Glob!"  Finn jumped up from the couch.  "How long has he been waiting on me?  I gotta go..." He took one final pastry from the tray.  "Is...it okay if I take one of these for Jake, LG?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
"Thanks!"     
  
Lemongrab glanced at the hallway outside the parlor, and the ever-present lemporters filed in.  Expecting this, Finn leapt head-first onto the line and was passed back the the castle entrance on his front rather than on his back.  What improper form, Lemongrab mused, was he raised by animals or something? Yet another thing to add to the list of things he needed to teach the human.

  
\---   
  
"Jake!"  Finn raced through the heavy doors, allowing the lemon gentry to close them behind him.     
  
"Man, there you are!"  Jake turned back to the two guard lemons (guardlemons, the most creative of names)  "I'll be back for you two later." One of the guardlemons tossed a handful of dirt at the dog, while the other raised his crest once again.   
  
"Hey, none of that."  Finn grabbed Jake by the shoulder and tugged him towards the road back to the Candy Kingdom.     
  
"Fine," he huffed.  "You know, this whole thing where you go in to see Lemongrab and I sit out here dealing with the riffraff is gettin' awfully routine..."   
  
"Hey, I'm really sorry about that.  We just got a little caught up in talking..."   
  
"Talking?!  I thought the guy threw you in the dungeon or something."  Jake finally turned around and started walking on his own. "Or, like, that creepy electric cage thing again."   
  
"Nah.  He was actually in a pretty good mood today.  Oh, here!" Finn passed Jake the pastry he'd taken.  "Saved you one of these."   
  
Jake scarfed the whole thing in three bites.  "This doesn't make up for it. But it helps."   
  
"Yeah, whatever man."     
  
"So what were you two talkin' about that you stayed in there so long?"   
  
"Oh, uh..."  Finn slowed. "It wasn't much.  Next time we go see Lemongrab I'll take your 'port, so you don't miss out."   
  
"...Next time?"   
  
"Yeah!"  Finn caught up to Jake again, and broke into a slow jog.  "Come on, let's get back to Prubs and finish this up!"   
  
"Sounds good!"  Jake playfully punched Finn, "Glad to see you back, buddy."


End file.
